The Voices in Our Heads
by MoonytheMarauder1
Summary: Regulus isn't mad. That is the one thing he knows with the utmost clarity. When he meets Barty, his resolve to escape their prison intensifies. After all, hearing voices isn't abnormal—everyone can do it. BartyReg Asylum!AU Warnings for language, mental illness, and mentions of neglect. For Sophie


**A/N: Hey y'all! Happy Holidays!**

 **Word Count: 4074**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Those rights go to JK Rowling.**

 **Please note: This is an Asylum!AU. Also, a Muggle!AU. Not modern**

 **WARNINGS: Mental illnesses such as depression and schizophrenia (as always, please contact me if there are any inaccuracies), language, and mentions of neglect and mistreatment (not in detail)**

 **For the beautiful Sophie :)**

 **Enjoy!**

Regulus' heart was pounding. It was torture, the waiting—and if Barty Crouch Jr. kept him out there alone a minute longer then he would live to regret it.

HIs palms were slick against the peeling baby blue wallpaper lining the walls, and his breath was coming out in short bursts. Their plan was crazy, he knew, but there was no other way. They couldn't live like this. They deserved to be free, no matter who they could hear in their heads.

He felt so exposed in the hallway, knowing that he could be discovered and punished at any moment. The staff was supposed to be occupied by the brawl occuring in the commons, but Regulus wasn't sure how long his lover's clever manipulation would last. With every passing second, he grew more nervous. Barty should have been able to unlock the door to the office by now. They should be moving on to the next stage of the plan—

The door to Regulus' right opened slightly.

The young Black glared at the sandy-haired boy in front of him. "Took you long enough."

Barty shrugged, smirking. "I got a bit distracted. We're not that far off schedule."

"Every minute spent talking is a minute wasted," Regulus pointed out, pushing his way inside the room.

He closed the door quickly behind him, then scanned the small room. Large windows were on the wall opposite him, a coat rack stood to his right, and on the left wall was a heavy mahogany desk. He and Barty headed over to it, eyes on the telephone perched on a corner.

"Do you have the number?" Regulus asked.

Barty tapped his head. "I do. That file was difficult to hunt through, mind you. It took time."

Regulus frowned. "We don't have time."

Barty only grinned. "But we will."

A small smile graced Reglus' face for a moment. "Yeah. If this works, then we'll have all the time in the world."

* * *

 _It had been three days since Regulus had been left at the hospital, and he still wasn't convinced that it wasn't a prison._

 _It was dark in his room. He was on his bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling. A million thoughts were swirling through his head, and none of them were positive._ You deserve to be here, _they told him._ This is your fault. There is something wrong with you.

 _Reglus shivered. Things hadn't always been this awful. There had been someone once who would pull him out of bed and quietly reassure him that he was important. But that had been before—before his brother had been chased from his home, before Regulus had slipped further and further into the void he couldn't seem to climb out of, before he'd been thrown into this hellhole._

 _He didn't move when the door opened, light spilling into the room from the hallway; he didn't even turn his head. He heard soft footsteps approaching the bed, and then a face popped into view._

" _Hullo." The boy looked about his age, with a slightly crooked nose and a wide grin. "Thought I'd make sure you were still alive. Well, suppose I should say 'we'. It was a collective decision."_

 _Regulus slowly turned his head, frowning. He couldn't see anyone else. "Who do you mean?"_

 _The boy waved his hand around in a noncommittal gesture. "Not sure, really. But they're there."_

 _Regulus sat up slowly. "Do you hear things too?" he asked. "Do they tell you things?"_

 _The boy grinned. "I think you and I are going to get along."_

 _Regulus stared at him. "You didn't answer."_

 _The boy's tongue darted out between his lips. "Yeah. I do. But I think it's a bit insane not to hear voices, don't you? It's not human nature to be silent."_

 _He started laughing, but Regulus' mind was racing. Here was another person who knew his plight. Maybe they heard different things, but at least this boy treated them as real. Maybe he wasn't mad. Maybe his parents were wrong._

 _He stuck out a pale hand. "I'm Regulus Black."_

 _The boy shook it eagerly. "Bartemius Crouch Jr. But call me Barty."_

* * *

Barty handed Regulus a small slip of paper. He took it, glancing down at the hastily-scribbled numbers. His chest felt tight. If he rang this number, he and Barty could leave. They'd be free—safe.

But only if the person they were trying to reach would let them be.

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"He's your brother," Barty murmured. "He'll answer."

"What if he leaves us here?" He knew that it was unlikely—Sirius had only ever supported him—but all that Regulus could think of was the fact that his brother had run away, leaving him at the mercy of their parents. "He left me at home."

Barty shook his head. "They were chasing him out," he said, "and he couldn't live like that. From what you've told me, it sounds like he really cares about you. You're lucky—my father… when Mother died, there was no one to stop Father from sending me here. He'd rather not look at me. But you've got a real chance."

Regulus was silent for a minute. "He never came looking for me."

Barty lightly smacked his shoulder. "How could you know? We don't exactly get any news in here. And how could he know where to look?"

Regulus had to admit that he had a point. Barty was good at that—fighting the voices with logic.

"Right then," he said. He turned to the telephone. "I guess there's only one way to find out."

* * *

 _Months had gone by since their first meeting. Regulus and Barty were in the hospital's library, sitting by the window. It had bars on it, of course, but the sunlight was something they both craved._

 _Regulus was busy reading a book, and Barty was sitting beside him, absentmindedly flipping through a newspaper. It was a few moments before Regulus felt the other boy's eyes on him and looked up._

" _We should elope," Barty told him, a wide grin stretched over his face._

 _Regulus leaned back, spluttering. "But—we can't—two boys—"_

" _Well, why not?"_

 _Regulus opened his mouth to reply, then closed it. The truth was, he'd always heard that it wasn't right, two men being together. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he'd never been given a reason why. He glanced back at Barty._

" _You've never mentioned anything like this before. Why now?"_

 _Barty shrugged. "It seemed like a good idea."_

 _Regulus stared at him for a moment longer. "We can't elope," he said at last._

" _Too soon?" Barty sighed. "I'll win you over, just you wait."_

 _Regulus returned to his book, but there was an odd fluttering in his chest that he'd never felt before._

 _As the weeks went by, Barty acted much the same as he always had, but with subtle differences. It wasn't uncommon for him to have short conversations with someone Regulus couldn't see, but now he heard his name crop up in them. When Barty would walk with him into the commons for meals, he'd run ahead and make sure the seats by the window were free for him. Regulus pretended to be annoyed, but in reality, he had no idea how to react to this thoughtfulness. No one had ever gone so far out of their way to make him feel comfortable, and while it wasn't necessary in the slightest, he couldn't deny that it was nice._

 _One day, everything changed._

 _Regulus was sitting in his room, his eyes slightly glazed over. Barty was in one of his sessions, and whenever the other boy was absent he found it much more difficult to shut out the derogatory voices in his head._

 _Regulus closed his eyes, trying to block everything out. As soon as he had done so, the door flew open, and Barty came storming in._

" _They—they—but I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!"_

 _Regulus scrambled off the bed, hurrying over to Barty. This scene was horribly familiar; patients rarely walked out of a session calmly. "Barty, Barty what—"_

" _They think I'm mad!" his friend shouted. "They think I'm mad, but I'm not. I'm not, Regulus. It's not my fault that I'm special, that they came to me…"_

" _I know," Regulus assured him, his head pounding from battling his own voices. "I know that, Barty. It's like you said, everyone hears voices."_

" _They don't want me to hear them anymore," Barty whispered. Regulus was slightly startled by his change of tone—Barty's confidence seemed nonexistent now. "But I have to hear them. I have to because… because without them I'm not…"_

 _He shuddered horribly, and Regulus' fingers found their way onto the boy's shoulders. Regulus felt sick. Barty's words reminded him of what his parents had always told him, about how family was everything, and without it he was nothing. He'd believed them—he always had. But now, when those same words were coming from Barty, he knew that they were so very, very wrong._

 _Barty had collapsed onto the bed, and Regulus dropped down to match his height. He squeezed the other boy's shoulders tightly, unsure whether he was trying to comfort his friend or himself. "You're not nothing," he told him firmly, thinking of lighthearted jokes and soft hand brushes, spontaneous proposals and beautiful grins. "You could_ never _be nothing."_

 _Barty's eyes wandered up to his face. "There is always a way to let people down." He pulled away from Regulus' touch. "And I always find it."_

 _Regulus felt a rush of hatred towards Barty's father, who had tried so many times to convince him that he was sick, who left him to rot somewhere no one could find him. "You've never let me down," he said fiercely. "You're the only one."_

 _It wasn't a conscious decision. Regulus wasn't sure what prompted him to do it, but the urge was suddenly too strong to deny. Perhaps it had always been there, the want, or perhaps it had been brought on by a desperation to prove to Barty that he could never be what others tried to reduce him too. All he knew was that one moment Barty was cringing away from him, and the next he was in Regulus' arms, kissing just as passionately as the young Black was._

 _They pulled away after an unknown amount of time, breathing heavily. Barty's face was flushed, and Regulus stared at it in wonder._

" _I think," he said softly at last, his mouth dry, "that I'm ready to try that eloping thing."_

 _Some of the light returned to Barty's eyes. "You mean—"_

" _I have a brother," Regulus murmured. "It might be time to give him a call."_

* * *

It was agony, waiting for Sirius to pick up the phone. Barty's fingers were entwined tightly with his own, which was a small comfort. He had to let go, however, to hold the mouthpiece and the receiver. He swallowed thickly, eyeing the door that someone could burst through at any moment.

" _Hullo?"_

Regulus' stomach plummeted. This wasn't Sirius. His eyes darted over to Barty.

" _Is anyone there?"_

"Er," Regulus stammered, caught off guard. He leaned away from the mouthpiece. "That's not him," he hissed at Barty.

His partner's eyes widened. "What? It has to be! I did my work carefully. Ask for him."

" _Is everything all right over there?"_

Regulus swallowed. "Is—is Sirius Black there?"

Silence. Then—

" _Who's asking?"_

Regulus frowned. "Is he there or not?"

" _He's not home right now. Who—"_

"Who are _you?"_

" _Remus Lupin. Are… are you Regu—"_

Regulus slammed the receiver down, hanging up. He was breathing heavily, almost winded. He turned to Barty.

"He wasn't there."

Barty sighed. "Yeah. I… yeah. Let's go back to our rooms before anyone stops us."

Regulus grabbed his arm as he tried to walk away. "Are you angry?"

It was a childish question, he knew, but he needed to know the answer. After this major blow, he couldn't stand to think that the most important person in his life was upset with him.

Barty's eyes softened, and he tucked a strand of Regulus' long hair behind his ear. "Not with you," he promised. "With this place."

Regulus nodded. They hurried out the door, slipping through deserted hallways towards their assigned rooms. As they approached the commons, they could hear screams and sobbing—some of the patients were distressed.

Regulus raised a brow in Barty's direction. "What did you do?"

Barty answered immediately. "Provoked Avery. The bloke lost his mind—started beating at the walls and whoever got in his way." He saw Regulus' startled look and hurried to add, "Don't worry, it's just the aggressive ones who joined in the fight. The others ran to their rooms."

Regulus ran a hand over the back of his neck. "Seems pointless, now."

"We tried," Barty said stiffly.

Regulus' lip curled. "But it didn't matter."

Barty's hand made its way to the small of Regulus' back. "It could have, though. And I guess that's what counts."

* * *

 _They were sitting on Barty's bed, huddled against each other. Barty was carding his fingers through Regulus' hair, murmuring words of comfort._

" _Regulus, it's okay. Your parents can't get to you here."_

" _They left me here for a reason."_

 _Barty leaned forward and kissed his brow. "I'm glad you're here. It was miserable without you."_

 _Regulus turned his head. "If we do manage to leave with Sirius, why would you want to stay with me? How… how do we know he won't leave again?"_

 _Barty leaned over his lover. "Why did he run away, Regulus? And don't tell me it was because of you."_

" _But it was. It was my fault. I… I couldn't stop them."_

 _Barty frowned. "Stop who?"_

" _Our parents. They wanted us to act a certain way, to be certain people… but Sirius just wasn't those things. He hated them. I was more like them than he was, but I couldn't be who they wanted me to be." Regulus buried his face in Barty's shirt. "Sirius was braver than I was. He always has been. They were horrible to him—the things they said…"_

" _Regulus—"_

" _I think they were killing him," Regulus admitted in a small voice. "They tore him down, but I didn't say anything. I was selfish; all that mattered was the he was there to help me survive there. I didn't even consider how he felt."_

 _Barty wrapped his arms around Regulus, his wiry muscles pressing against the boy's cheek. "That doesn't make it your fault."_

 _Regulus closed his eyes. "I let them hurt him."_

 _Barty was quiet for a long time. Finally, he said, "Sometimes we can't save people. Sometimes we have to let them save themselves. Sirius was strong—he fought his battle. And I'm sure he'll want to help you win yours."_

 _Regulus sat up slowly, his hair a mess. Today was a bad day for him—everything felt as though it might come crashing down. But Barty understood. He knew when to speak, and when it was better not to say anything at all. He held Regulus close and simply allowed him to be. For his sake, Regulus tried to ignore the awful words he heard._

" _Do you… do you think he wonders about me?"_

 _Barty's smile was immediate. "If he cares about you as much as you say, then I know he does."_

 _Regulus leaned in for a kiss, and Barty happily complied._

* * *

A week after their disastrous phone call, Regulus was called to the superintendent. She was a tall, thin, hooked-nosed woman with a nasally voice, and someone Regulus hated spending any time with. She glanced up at him disinterestedly, then told him that he had a visitor.

Regulus' head swam. His breathing turned shallow. Who could possibly be visiting him? His parents? He dreaded that meeting. Besides, he wasn't ready to see them—they'd thrown him in here because he couldn't deal with the voices, and if he was parted from Barty, then they'd come back full force.

He entered the room he'd been directed to, eyes wide. He hadn't been this terrified in a long time.

A tall man with broad shoulders stood in the middle of the room, instead of sitting in one of the chairs along the wall. He turned around when he heard the door open, and Regulus caught a glimpse of light brown hair and amber eyes.

A smile spread across his features. "Well. You definitely are Regulus."

Regulus took a small step back, surprised. He recognized that voice—this was the same man who had answered the phone. Remus Lupin.

"Sirius ran to the loo," Remus continued, politely ignoring the younger boy's shock. Regulus noted three long scars that ran along the man's jaw and felt nervous. "He's… he's very excited to see you, Regulus."

Regulus hunched his shoulders, unsure how to respond. It had been years since he'd last seen his brother—could he really be here? "How… how did you find me? How do you know who I am?"

Remus ran a hand through his hair. He looked tired, Regulus noted, but happy. "I suspected it was you when you called—Sirius and I don't get many visitors, and you were the only person I could think of who might reach out to him that I didn't know. We did some digging, and we… we discovered you'd been admitted into this place."

Regulus shifted uncomfortably. He opened his mouth to ask another question—what, exactly, he wasn't sure—when the door opened.

"Gah, Remus, this place is so _white_ , I don't know how anyone—oh."

Regulus whirled around, his heart in his mouth. His brother was broader than he remembered; his dark curls tumbled down to his shoulders, and his grey eyes were more carefree than Regulus had ever seen him. He was instantly jealous.

Sirius' lips were parted in a small oval, his eyes wide. "Regulus…"

Regulus stiffened. He clenched his hands to hide how they were trembling. "Sirius."

There was an uncomfortable silence. After a few moments, Remus cleared his throat. "I'll go keep the old bat company, shall I? You two can catch up."

He walked swiftly out of the room, and Regulus relaxed slightly; he wasn't outnumbered anymore.

"So." Sirius leaned against the wall. "This… shit, this isn't where I thought you were."

Regulus scowled and crossed his arms. "Where did you think I was?"

"At… their house," Sirius admitted. "I thought you were still there."

He looked so miserable, which infuriated Regulus. He hadn't known just how angry with his brother he was until they were face-to-face. "What do you care? You never came back for me."

Sirius flinched, and Regulus felt an odd sense of triumph. "Regulus, there wasn't any way I could reach you. I wanted to, but I couldn't."

Regulus turned away. "That's never stopped you before."

Sirius threw his hands in the air. "Well, what did you expect me to do? You didn't even give any hint that you wanted me to come for you! You always sided with them, you always tried to get me to listen—"

"I didn't want them to hurt you," Regulus interrupted. "I was trying to keep you safe."

Sirius closed his eyes. "That's what I tried to do. I guess neither of us succeeded."

Regulus didn't have an answer for that.

Sirius opened his eyes and took a small step forward. "I want you to come home with me," he said bluntly. "If you need help, we can get it—but this isn't the place. I don't want to leave you here, but I'll only take you away if you want me to."

Regulus was stunned. No one had ever asked him what he wanted before, except for Barty. This was his chance to escape, to be a part of a family again—a better one.

"I—I can't."

Sirius seemed to wilt before his eyes. "Right. No, I thought you might want to—"

"I can't leave without Barty."

Sirius frowned sharply. "Who's Barty?"

"He's—" Regulus hesitated. Where did Sirius stand on this issue? Would he be like their parents? Could he ever accept what the two boys had with each other?

Sirius was watching him closely. Suddenly, he said, "I don't mind."

"W-what?"

"I don't mind," SIrius repeated, his confidence coming back. "Hell, Regulus, Remus and I are lovers. That's why he was around to answer the phone when you called. Whatever you and Barty are to each other, we won't mind." His eyes grew stormy. "But you have to accept what Remus and I have."

Regulus nodded quickly. "I do. It's not wrong. But I'm not wrong, either—I'm not mad. We're not mad, Sirius—everyone hears voices."

Sirius nodded slowly. "But that doesn't mean you can listen to all of them."

Relief flooded through Regulus—his brother understood. He could help them deal with this, help them learn which voices were right and which were wrong.

"But we can take Barty with us?"

Sirius looked uncomfortable. "Erm… I'd like to meet him, first. I can't just bring anybody home."

Regulus ran out of the room to find him, ignoring Sirius' startled shout. But to his surprise, Remus, Barty, and the superintendent were right outside.

Barty was the first to spot him. He grinned widely, then gestured to the two others who seemed to be arguing. "He's going on and on about neglect," he whispered gleefully. "Seems like this place might get shut down."

Sirius came out of the room just in time to hear Barty's words, and he rushed over to his lover, whether to calm him down or assist him, Regulus wasn't sure. The youngest Black sidled over to Barty, his eyes a bit worried.

"They want me to leave with them," he informed him quietly. "But I won't go without you."

Barty shook his head quickly. "No, love, they won't want me. I'm… I'm one of the real nutters, you know." He sighed heavily. "You need to go with them. They can help you better than this place can, and—"

"No," Regulus interrupted. His heart was pounding in his chest—Barty had never called him 'love' before. It felt… right. "They're considering it. Sirius… I think he really wants to help. And you're _not_ mental," he added sternly. "You know that."

Barty's tongue darted out between his teeth, and sign that Regulus knew meant that he was listening to someone. "If the whole world thinks you're mental, but you know you're not, are you mad, or is the whole world?"

It was a test that was easy enough to pass. "Everyone's mad. At least a little bit."

Barty grinned. "Yeah. Probably."

Regulus felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head to see Sirius there, his grey eyes calculating.

"Is this Barty?"

"Yessir," Barty said promptly, sticking out a hand. "I've heard a lot about you."

Sirius shook his hand, looking surprised. "You have?" he asked, shooting Regulus a questioning glance. "That's, er… nice."

Barty laughed. "Funny way of putting it."

Sirius looked like he didn't quite know what to do with that, but he grinned anyway. Regulus raised an eyebrow at him, and his older brother squeezed his shoulder.

"Barty, er… Remus might kill me for not running this by him first, but how'd you like to get out of here? We've got a place in the country, and there are two spare bedrooms."

The confidence in Barty's eyes wavered. "I'm… I hear more than Regulus does."

The implications of that statement were clear; Barty and Regulus were both looking at Sirius now, waiting for his response.

Sirius looked his brother straight in the eye. "Yeah, well, everyone hears voices, don't they?"

A grin slowly overtook Regulus' face. This was it. They were leaving—they could finally be free. He felt cool fingers brush his own and looked down just in time to see Barty's freckled hand curling around his own.

An hour later, the four men were making their way outside. A horse-drawn carriage was waiting for them, but as Remus and Sirius made their way over to it, Barty pulled Regulus aside.

"I know they pulled some strings so I could come with you," he murmured, "but I don't want to cause any trouble for your family."

Regulus stole a kiss; their very first in sunlight. "We're eloping, remember? You _are_ my family."

The brilliance of Barty's smile made everything worth it. As they descended the steps, Regulus couldn't help but feel that things were changing irrevocably—except this time, for the better.


End file.
